Fears Rise of Foul Wind Carrying Coronavirus
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by Gorphilus DeJesus
Funkytown, USA -- Scientists craving relevance and seeking funding, along with promoters of the political agenda of ongoing disaster, are floating the theory that the novel COVID-19 pathogen can be transmitted in particles escaping the body via the release of foul wind, commonly known as farting, even when involuntarily.
Heretofore, analysis of this everyday phenomenon has only yielded less-than-scientific adages such as "he who smelt it dealt it" and "silent but deadly", which though popular, are not based on sound, peer-reviewed, experimental studies.
Now, intense, desperate inquiry into coronavirus infection is leading Democrat investigators to review the olfactory dynamics involved in the transmission of this deadly disease for which there is no cure allowed, threatening all of humanity because Trump was not impeached.
So far it has been conclusively determined that certain Chinese food preparations, such as tofu with black bean sauce, substantially increase the risk of malodorous contagion.
"Just watch the movie 'Blazing Saddles'" said a spokesperson for the newly established Funk-o-cratic medical research facility, "...to see how pervasive the spread of this pathogen can be, even around a simple campfire".
"I smell a rat!" said Senate Republican Linseed Graham (R), "...but at the same time we don't want to not investigate this and thereby reap a horrible whirlwind."